Divorce & Remarriage?

What The Bible Says About My Tough Questions: Divorce and Remarriage?

God’s feelings on the subject of divorce are rather clear: God hates divorce. (Malachi 2:16) The truth that always must be remembered is that though God hates divorce, he always loves people and nothing can change that. As God’s people, we need to take the same approach in dealing with divorce. Do whatever it takes to keep divorce from happening, and if it does happen extend grace and love to those who have experienced it.

As complicated and confusing as divorce is for us today, it was even more so in the first century Jewish culture. John the Baptizer had lost his head over the subject, and Jesus was constantly being harassed with questions concerning what was right or wrong when it came to divorce.

There were basically two schools of thought in the Jewish community regarding divorce—both stemming from Deuteronomy 24:1-4. One set of Jewish scholars said that a man could divorce his wife is she committed adultery. The second set of scholars interpreted what Moses wrote and said that a man could divorce his wife for any reason at all…even burning his meal. So when Jesus is asked his take on divorce (Matthew 19:1-12) his is walking into a trap laid by those who oppose him. They know how divided the Jewish populace is regarding divorce and they understand that no matter what Jesus says he is going to make some happy and anger others. Of course when has that ever stopped Jesus?

Jesus’ response takes us back to Genesis and the original design of marriage (Genesis 1:27; 2:24). First off, Jesus points out that God designed a man and woman to be married to each other. They belong together physically, emotionally and spiritually. Second, marriage marks the transition from parent to spouse. In other words, one’s primary loyalty is no longer to Mom and Dad it lies with a husband or wife. This is where we get the picture of marriage being a covenant: a commitment to each other and a sense of oneness. The word Jesus uses for “joined together” means “yoked together” or “co-laborers”. This description makes it pretty clear that God’s design is one man with one woman for life.

The Pharisees response to Jesus reveals the cause and problem of most divorces. (Matthew 19:7-8) Divorce is not a “right” but instead a result of “hard hearts”. The reality of life in this world is the constant battle with sin and sinful people. Marriage is the joining together of two sinful people living in a sinful world. It is not an easy venture and most certainly not accomplished successfully without God’s assistance.

Jesus concludes his teaching on divorce by taking it up a notch and making everyone uncomfortable (Matthew 19:9-12). Jesus says that in cases of “unfaithfulness” divorce may be an option. “Unfaithfulness” is anything that breaks the covenant of marriage, the oneness and commitment. So situations like sexual affairs, physical abuse, or abandonment all fall into those categories.

Jesus’ response is really pointed at those who divorce for convenience. When he says, “And the man who marries a divorced woman commits adultery” what he is saying is that by marrying again, all hope of the original marriage being restored is gone. When we think of “adultery” we always think of sex. However, “adultery” is the breaking of a covenant whether through sexual unfaithfulness or physical abuse. The prophets of the OT often described Israel’s actions against God as adulterous. Not because they were necessarily sexual in nature (all though sometimes that was the case), but because they were breaking their covenant with God. So if a divorced person remarries, is that person committing "adultery" every time he or she has sex with their new spouse? The answer is "no". The adultery that Jesus is speaking about is not sexual in nature, he is referring to the previous marriage covenant that cannot be restored because a new covenant has begun.

Jesus is emphasizing that the marriage covenant is to be taken seriously, much like how God keeps his covenant with people. Flippant or convenient divorces is not how God operates nor is it how he wants people to operate. Both the entering into marriage and exiting of a marriage covenant need to be carefully considered before any action is taken.

What can we take away from Jesus’ teaching?

• Do whatever it takes to not divorce.

• If divorce happens reconciliation is always an option.

• If divorce happens, remaining single is probably the best option unless sexually speaking it would be too difficult. (1 Corinthians 7:10-11)

• Divorce is not the unforgivable sin. (It could be argued whether or not divorce itself is a sin.)

• Temporary separation is a good option to take time and repair the covenant.