Question - The King & I: The Little Foxes

Here is a text question I received last Sunday during the message, The Little Foxes. The context for the question comes from my stated purpose of the series: To reignite passion in marriages.

The question:

"How does this apply to dating? How can we have passion in our dating life and still remain righteous? What does a good dating relationship look like?"

Well, to start with, the passion Solomon and his wife have for each other is the kind of passion that is reserved for those who are married. As I've stated, I want to allow God's Word to help reignite the passion God intended for the marriage relationship. For those who are single I just want to "light the pilot light" so when marriage does become a reality, the heat can be turned up. Those are the words Solomon's wife repeats throughout Song of Songs:

"Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the swift gazelles and the deer of the wild, not to awaken love until the time is right" ~ Song of Songs 2:7 NLT

So from God's perspective there is a right time for passion...and that right time is within the bounds of marriage. Now, as to what that looks like in dating--as little physical contact as possible. There was a time when I never would have said this, however I have come to understand that maintaining control of passion within a serious dating relationship is very difficult if not impossible. Especially if we chose to live by the accepted norms of our culture. What needs to be done in a dating relationship, actually even before one enters into a dating relationship, are strict boundaries need to be in place. The idea being that we are each in charge of our own bodies/lives and we will one day be held accountable for how we controlled ourselves. You cannot go into a dating relationship and expect the other person to have boundaries that are like yours. That is why it is so important not to date a non-Christian. Once emotions become involved it is very difficult to think rationally.

Listen to what the apostle Paul says in 1 Thessalonians 4:3-5. He writes:

"It is God's will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God;"

Again, the key being "control." If you have submitted yourself to God then he controls your life...he calls the shots. That means we must then control our minds and our bodies. I know, easier said then done. I'm not claiming it's easy, but if we want to honor God we need to be in control. Even to crank up the "flames of passion" just a notch can lead you to a place you don't want to go. But always remember, that the longer we delay gratification the better the passion will be in the covenant relationship of marriage.

In the coming weeks, I will be painting a more clearer picture of what this looks like in the dating relationship. So stay tuned.