The King & I: Observations and a Question Answered

Wow! The last few weeks have really opened my eyes to many things about marriage, sex, and the roles of men and women. Let me start by saying that I have never in my entire life studied Song of Songs…ever. It has been very revealing, pun intended. I mentioned this in the first sermon I preached from Song of Songs and I want to get it to you again; a great resource on Song of Songs and one that ever married couple should have is Intimacy Ignited by Dillow & Pintus. It is a great commentary and study guide through Solomon’s song. Seriously, if you as a couple went through this study together it would change your marriage.

Another reason my eyes have been opened, is because of your response. The questions, the high fives (not just from husbands btw), and the “thank-yous” reiterate the need for this biblical, God centered study. This study has long been overdue and right now I’m trying to figure out how we can offer this material on a more regular basis (A.B.F. Class or small group).

For just a moment I want to clarify something that I said on Sunday, February 22nd about the purpose of marriage. I posed the question something like this: “What if God designed marriage to make us holy more than to make us happy?” The idea being that while many people seek marriage as a means to happiness, they discover that happiness is just one of many emotions that can fill a marriage. One cannot base one’s marriage purely upon the idea of happiness. So what does that leave us with? Well what about holiness? That whole line of thinking is addressed in the book, Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas, again another resource that every married couple should read. The bottom-line being that in the covenant of marriage we learn in a very hands on way, about God and in turn grow in our relationship with him. Marriage can be a very effective tool in developing holiness.

So after talking about the purpose of marriage in my sermon, here was one of the text message questions I received:

"So, can we be holy without getting married? Doesn’t Paul say it’s better for people who can survive without getting married to not get married?"

This is a good question. Let me start by saying, we are made holy by the power of the Holy Spirit when we submit our lives to Jesus Christ and enter into a covenant relationship with him. Then by choosing to follow the Holy Spirit’s lead and being obedient to Jesus we continue to live within that holiness. So marriage on it’s own doesn’t make us holy, it’s simply a tool to help us be holy. When I love my wife unconditionally, I’m learning more about God and his love for me. When I serve my wife, I’m learning how God serves me no matter what. When my wife extends to me grace and forgiveness when I don’t deserve it, I learn more clearly about the grace and forgiveness that God has extended to me. Marriage is a tool to help us understand and grow in holiness.

So what about the single person? So if marriage is such a great benefit why would Paul say that it’s better to not be married? Paul is right in that more can be done for the Kingdom of God if one is single. Quite frankly it takes a lot of time and energy to be married and effectively honor the marriage covenant. So where does the single person pick up a tool to help them develop holiness? The church. The church family is a covenant relationship, and in almost every way it demands like marriage, unconditional love, patience, forgiveness, service and grace. Just another great reason to be a part of a local church family, without it you are going to struggle to become all that God planned for you to be.